We're assuming you like sex, most of the time. Maybe you even love it -- some of the time. But there are women who love sex all the time, from the very thought of it to the afterglow. These women have more sex than the rest of us, and they thrill their men to the core. Whether they're feeling hot for their partners or just lukewarm, they'd rather do it than not do it -- they make love, not excuses. If they're tired, sex revives them; if they're stressed, it relaxes them; and if they have a headache, they'll opt for the orgasm cure. Here's how they do it.
1. Sex-loving women love to think about sex
Conventional wisdom (backed by a certain amount of actual scientific research) says that men think about sex more often than women do. Well, not more than sex-loving women do. Rather than censoring their erotic thoughts, these women encourage them. They don't feel guilty about fantasizing, even if their fantasies are a bit kinky or feature some creative casting. And because sex is so often on their minds, it's a lot easier for their bodies to get to "yes."
"To boost my libido, I indulge in erotic thinking: I might see a pile of peaches in the supermarket and let my mind drift to imagine them as glorious bottoms, male and female. When I think about my husband, I sometimes picture parts of him, like his forearm or chest hair; I visualize that part until I feel aroused. But even the most mundane things can have an erotic appeal. Running my hand along a curved wooden banister can be a sensual experience."
--Nicola, 28, married two years
"I write myself notes so I'll remember things, from grocery items to birthdays to checking my stock portfolio. One day after my husband and I had lamented the infrequency of our lovemaking, I wrote 'Sex!' and posted it on the side of my computer monitor. Because that note was there, I thought more about sex than I usually did. I didn't stay late at work that night. We had sex. I left the note up until it fell down. I thought about sex more and more often; we kept having sex. I have replaced the note, and now I've put more notes in my day planner; for example, 'Do it in the pool tonight.'"
--Donna, 30, married five years
2. They can take any mood and give it an erotic charge
Any emotion -- even sadness or anger -- can be the catalyst for passion if you connect with its underlying power in an erotic way. The women we interviewed don't need flowers, candlelight, or bubble baths to get themselves in the mood for love. They take whatever mood they're in and turn it to their sexual advantage. The result: not just better sex, but a more passionate marriage.
"I used to think lovemaking followed tender words and gestures, but that's not necessarily so. One day I was irritated with my husband, and he wasn't that happy with me either. We were standing toe-to-toe arguing about something stupid when I realized that the tension I felt between us wasn't that different from sexual tension. I was breathing a little harder. My cheeks were flushed. Instead of shaking my finger in his face, I ran it down his cheek and under his chin. We both felt the electric charge. He stroked my hair. We ended up making love, and I learned that any mood can be the right mood for sex if you tap into the energy."
--Jennifer, 28, married three years
"For me, the hardest part about being married was learning to share our emotions -- all of them. It's easy to be happy with someone, harder to be sad. After my husband's father died, he withdrew. I reached him through sex, and he began to heal through sex. That was a revelation to me. Now I can find the erotic element in every emotion."
--Melanie, 40, married 12 years
"Breast-feeding made me feel slightly aroused, and I was embarrassed about that. Should erotic feelings be tangled up in the warm rush of mother love? My doctor said it was normal because my breasts were more sensitive to touch. My husband was intrigued. Even before we could have intercourse again, we began cuddling and stroking each other after breast-feedings. When the time came, I was more than ready to make love. Our erotic interludes brought us closer at a time when my intense involvement with the baby might have been a wedge between us."
--Ginny, 30, married seven years
3. They indulge themselves. Self-indulgence is no sin.
If you can't be thrilled by the feel of silk against your body or delight in playing hooky from responsibility on a glorious spring afternoon, how can you really enjoy lovemaking? Women who love sex delight in all their senses. They breathe deeply of the flowers others merely sniff.
"Nothing makes me feel sexier than indulging myself. Whether it's having my legs waxed on my lunch hour or buying a tiny bag of very expensive chocolates to eat on the train home, an indulgence makes me feel pampered, sexy. When I see my husband, I want to ravish him."
--Jana, 29, married two years
"No matter how busy I am, I schedule some time just for me. No husband, kids, friends, work -- just me. I may send the kids to the park for two hours with my husband on Saturday morning so I can stay in bed and read a book, or hire a sitter and go to a foreign-language film. Occasional time-outs restore me. I feel sexy, like a woman who has an interesting life of her own. In my mind, I am coming to him as an intriguing stranger."
--Carolyn, 31, married seven years
4. They're body-conscious in a good way
Sex-loving women are often not the most beautiful women. They probably don't have perfect measurements, either, but they like their bodies. Exercise in some form is generally a priority, not because they want to be thinner, but because they crave the physicality. They know how to use their bodies to excite themselves as well as their partners.
"I did not feel sexually desirable when my pregnancy began showing, but I didn't want to spend the next six months either refusing my husband's advances or acquiescing to his desires like some long-suffering wife. A book about goddesses inspired me: Many of the goddess figures were, frankly, fat, with big bellies. I bought a clay figure shaped like one of them and made an altar to her with candles, an incense holder, and flowers. To put myself in the mood for love, I lit candles and incense and spent a few minutes meditating before my goddess altar. I still use it sometimes."
--Amy, 31, married 10 years
"Exercise makes me feel more alive, definitely sexier. I used to work out in the morning, but I'd lose that sexy afterglow when I showered and rushed to the office. So I changed my gym schedule to after work. Now I don't feel too tired for sex in the evening. My body is tingling and ready to be loved."
--Janet, 35, married 15 years
"I feel sexy in elegant lingerie, like camisoles or full-length silk slips. I wear them often beneath my business suits, not to titillate my husband while I'm dressing (he's usually gone before I've showered), but for me. Last year I bought one of those body-trimming spandex slips with the built-in bra. Wearing it makes me feel a little kinky, very sexually aggressive. I come home ready to stride around the bedroom in that slip and high heels and let him know I'll have my way with him."
--Kim, 32, married six years
5. They never stop noticing men
You sometimes hear a man say, "I'm married, not dead," when he's trying to explain how he can love his wife yet admire, even flirt with, an attractive woman. Sex-loving women can relate: They like men. And they don't stop liking them once they take their marriage vows. They're married, not nuns.
"I indulge in frequent adulterous fantasies to keep my libido high. Driving in the car to work, riding in an elevator, waiting on line, or pumping my own gas, I weave little erotic stories around men I know or happen to see. A construction worker with bulging biceps becomes my secret lover. We're having intercourse standing up with my legs wrapped around his waist while he runs the jackhammer with one hand. Sometimes I even fantasize about sex with my husband."
--Andrea, 41, married 11 years
"The standard advice is: Flirt with your husband to keep the attraction alive. There's nothing wrong with that. But lighthearted flirting with a stranger, a coworker, a male friend also gets the juices going. An exchange of smiles, compliments, and flirty gestures with an attractive man makes me feel desirable. I want to go home and make love to my husband after another man's eyes have lingered on my body."
--Tina, 34, married 10 years
6. They touch their own bodies
Women who love sex are comfortable with masturbation. It's how they learn about their own bodies, about what they like, and about how they can reach orgasm quickly or slowly (depending on their mood). Since most women don't reach orgasm via intercourse alone, those who feel free to touch themselves during lovemaking control their erotic destiny: They know they can come whenever they want, and that makes them more confident and relaxed lovers.
"When I'm having trouble getting into the mood, I take a shower alone. Showering together is fun if I'm already feeling playful, but not if I'm not. I let the water run until the bathroom is steamy. Then I lather myself with scented shower gel, using long, slow, sensuous strokes. Finally I turn on the shower massager, focusing the pulsating stream on my breasts and genitals until I am revved up. Time permitting, I may have a first orgasm this way."
--Meaghan, 27, married five years
"I know I can excite myself. If I start out several degrees on the thermostat behind my husband, I'm not worried about catching up. I use my own hand to stroke my clitoris while he kisses and caresses me. Knowing I can get up to speed quickly makes me willing to follow his lead. Even if I think I'm not in the mood, I get there."
--Cynthia, 27, married seven years
